i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
