I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
