i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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