i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
