i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
