Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
