I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
