i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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