next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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