The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
