I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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