Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
