I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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