you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
