my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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