I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
