you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
