she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think a kid would responsible me up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
