I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
