Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
