Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
me + whiskey = a bad person
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
