he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
