Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk is not a location!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
