Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
