like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
