So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
