we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
