Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
