I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
