My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
