awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
