WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
