All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
