My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
