i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
