Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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