belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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