Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
