I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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