Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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