seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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