DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
