i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
