alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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