this boner is exhausting
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
