You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
nutella sex= disaster
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
