my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
