So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
