I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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