it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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