Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
