We got so high we made milksteak
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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